Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
