I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize