I just pynch a tree in the face
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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