Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize