Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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