Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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