I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
