you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
