i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
