I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
