Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
