I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
