we have officially mastered the walk of shame
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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