she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
