I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
