i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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