the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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