The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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