I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
