what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You have to summon your inner elephant
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
