i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
