so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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