i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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