If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I believe in your delicious
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
