Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
