is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My ATM looks so different sober.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize