she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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