at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
