At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
