he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
