Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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