Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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