just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
