Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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