Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
