Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize