omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
