so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize