I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
