I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
