This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
