It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
