every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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