don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
