I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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