Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
