So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
