my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
being pregnant is like rehab
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
