you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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