I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
