this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
