Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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