Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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