I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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