i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
