The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize