You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
