She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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