I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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