your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
