ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
