there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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